Brett Richard Brocklebank

~~~~www.ourforeverbabies.com~~~~ my source of support and comfort forever xxxx

This is dedicated to my beautiful son Brett Richard Brocklebank who was born on 28th July 2003 and he fell asleep on 9th October 2003 aged 10.5 weeks.

Brett has left a huge hole in the lives of his Mummy and big brothers Conor then aged 4 and Joel then aged 2.

He was the sunshine in our days and the moonlight in our nights.

He was born at home 6 weeks premature weighing 5lb 4.5oz after 9 days of very slow labour!! I had been back and forth to the hospital 3 times that week each time they stopped it but he had other ideas. Both he and I spent 10 days in hospital after he was born as we had both contracted Strep B and needed medication. He didn't need any help with his breathing and astounded the nurses with how well he did being early and small.

We came home on 8th August and he was so tiny that he looked like a little doll in his car seat. He was a very content baby hardly ever cried not even for a feed. He woke twice in the night for a feed but then quickly fell back to sleep. He never took much rocking bless him. He loved his two older brothers Conor now 10 years and Joel now 8 years.

He just fitted into our daily routine. We didn't need to live life around him he lived his short life around us. Our daily routine would be me up most of nights doing night feeds, then at 7am I would wake my older sons who were 2 and 4 at that point. While they ate breakfast I would feed and change Brett. Then I would help them change while he slept in his pram. We would spend twenty minutes usually laughing as Joel my 2 year old would get his socks on inside out and his trousers on back to front. Then it would be a quick dash out of the door as we would always be running late. With three children under 5 it's always bedlam in our house. Then as Conor aged 4 happily hopped and skipped into school and Joel went into playgroup, Brett would lap up the oohs and ahhs of broody mothers in the playground, we would make our way home where he would go to sleep til around 12. He would then be fed, changed and would play happily til around 2.30. We would then go to collect hs brothers from school and back in time to feed him at 4.

The boys would be put to bed at 7 and not wanting to be different Brett would follow at around 8. Then I would make up bottles and do washing, mop floors, polish, wash pots and try to eat myself before collapsing into bed at 10pm. My day didn't contain enough hours and would find myself grumbling about it but I would do anything to have a stressful day full of bedlam, baby sick, young children running around screaming and tripping over toys again. (That's my idea of heaven)

On the Tuesday of that week the health visitor came to weigh him and he'd put on a whole pound, he was your typical chubby baby...rolls on his legs, chins when he grinned..we called him our little fatly bratly!!! I was worried as he'd had his first jabs and his leg had become slighly swollen where the needle had gone in. But the health visitor assured me that it was a normal reaction and not to worry. The following day was normal apart from that night after his bath.... I'd got his babygro and was complaining as it wasn't the nicest one he owned, his daddy told me he was going to sleep in it not visiting royalty. I dressed him and put him in his bouncer chair while I sorted his bottles. His daddy was talking to him and we heard a noise that he'd never made before.... I ran into him to see that he was actually giggling. He was laughing at his daddy's silly faces!!! We were thrilled and then I put him to bed. It was to be the last time I ever saw his beautiful smile forever.

The morning he fell asleep was the worse day of my life. I woke up at 6am to feed him and put him down to sleep with me. At 6.35am my son Joel came in for a drink and I lay Brett down so that I could get Joel a drink and noticed instantly that he was grey and lifeless. I screamed and my now ex partner came to help. I rang for an ambulance while he lay Brett down to start CPR. My neighbour heard the screams and was banging on the door she took Conor and Joel to her house while we waited for the ambulance.

My ex wouldn't come to the hospital with me so my neighbour who I only knew for 4 weeks had to come with me. The hospital tried for a further 40 minutes but it was no use he had gone. He was wrapped in a towel and I was taken to a room in another ward to say goodbye to him.

Phoning everyone to tell them that he had died was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. The hospital staff were lovely all of them in tears whenevr they had to come into the room, and they never stopped appologising for disturbing what little time I had left with my beautiful baby. I got about 3.5 hours with him which wasn't long enough but the hospital had to do the post mortem.

I was taken home by a police officer, it wasn't until I left the hospital that I realised that I had only got on a nightie and had no socks or shoes and had to walk barefoot outside. But I was too numb to care.

When I got home all of Brett's things were still there, his pram ready to take him out to take Conor to school, his bottles made up in the fridge ready for his feed, his nappies and rocker chair......

Everything in the house reminded me of him. We went back to the hospital that night to dress him and I chose a little baby blue track suit set with BABY written on the jacket and I had also bought him a hat.

We held the funeral a week later on 17th October. I chose Brahms' lullaby (It is the song playing on here but it hurts too much to hear it so I always have my volume down when I come onto his page) to be played as we walked into the church, Brett's father wouldn't carry his coffin which was the most beautiful, tiny box I've ever seen. His Uncle David carried it in and he was in absolute tears bless him. I don't remember much of the funeral it was a blur but I do remember seeing my health visitor there crying at the back. As we walked out of the church we had Cher's 'If I could turn back time' playing.

After the buriel we released 25 helium balloons for him to play with in heaven. My two boys talk about him all of the time and I know that they will tell their children about him so his memory will never be forgotten.

Me and the boys release helium balloons every birthday, Xmas and anniversary so that he can catch them and take them to heaven to play with all the other babies.

We have pictures of him around the house The boys recieve a Xmas present and a birthday present every year from Brett and a card and we buy him things for his birthday.

Both boys have a teddy of Brett's to cuddle at night and a picture of him in their rooms.

We have 2 keepsake boxes with everything from Brett's first photo to the cards that people leave on his flowers. These keepsake boxes have helped me so much to try to come to terms with the fact that he's no longer here but more than that it's for Conor and Joel when they're older to show their children just what a beautiful angel their little brother was.

The following poem was on a card given to me by my sister-in-law and Brett's Aunty Gemma.

HANG IN THERE

Sometimes there are bad days when life becomes a fight
And all that you can do is to hold on tight
Remember dawn comes after darkness and fiercest storms don't last
In the future this hard present will become a distant past
So here's a simple message I hope that you will heed it
I'm always here to help so call me if you need it.


The next 2 poems were written by me just after Brett died and I read them aloud at his funeral. The first is a poem I wrote for Brett from his brothers Conor and Joel who were only 4 and 2 when Brett died. And the second was written by me from my heart and read by me at my baby boy's funeral.


You came to us for a little while
We'll never forget your little smile
God took away our baby brother
In our hearts there'll be no other
So here's our final chance to say
We'll love and miss you everyday
Goodbye little Brett, we don't know why
God took you away up in the sky
As me and Joel play together
We'll never forget our baby brother
Copyright (c) Emma Prothero

*********************

We thought you'd never leave us
Thought you'd never go
We promised we'd always protect you
But now we'll never know

We made so many promises
That now we cannot keep
The thought of you apart from us
Makes us weep and weep and weep

When we remember the way you smiled at us
A tear fills up our eyes
Because we knew you'd rather be here with us
Than with Jesus in the sky

When we saw you the very last time
You were so peaceful, you felt no pain
We know you're up there looking over us all
Now you're eyes are closed, never to open again

So Brett be peaceful wherever you are
You're Mummy's little superstar
Copyright (c) Emma Prothero


Sweetheart I loved you yesterday, I love you today and I will love you tomorrow xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


Always loved and never forgotten Mummy and big brothers Conor and Joel xx


The day God took you from my arms he didn't realise the pain he was going to cause. Everyday I carry around the millions of pieces of my broken heart in the hope that one day in the future my heart will mend just a little.

Even though you left me remember sweetheart that my love for you will keep the fires of our hearts burning forever, you are my heart and my soul baby boy.


I love you darling and always will all the way to the moon and back xxxxxxx